The Handoff
The Checkup Keeps Slipping. How to Tell Caregiving Has Started Costing You Your Own Health
The first sign is rarely dramatic. It is an appointment you keep moving, a symptom you have stopped mentioning, and a week with no hour that belongs to you.
You are the one who drives, lifts, counts the pills, and sleeps with one ear open. Your own doctor's office has been calling, and you keep sliding the visit to next month. If you cannot remember your last checkup without looking, the caregiving has started to take a share of your own care. That is worth noticing now, while it is still a calendar problem and not a crisis.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
The signs that show up first
Look for the small signals. You have moved your own appointments more than once. You have put off a refill or a test for yourself. You have stopped mentioning pain, poor sleep, or weight changes, because there is never a good moment to bring them up. You eat standing at the counter. You have not left the house alone in weeks. When the phone rings from her room, you cannot step away from whatever you are doing.
Check the calendar, not your memory
Count the days since your last visit with your own doctor. If it has been more than a year, book the visit this month, and put it on the day sheet with the hours you will be away. Write a short list of what you have noticed, what you take, and the questions you want answered. Bring the list to the visit. Ask your doctor whether a respite plan or a short overnight is worth looking into for the time you need to be seen.
What a helper can and cannot do
A hired non-medical caregiver can sit with her while you attend your appointment, and can pick up a prescription as an errand. Medication reminders are fine. Handing out, sorting, or managing medicine stays with you, her doctor, and the pharmacist, whether the helper is paid or family. Be clear about that line before the first shift.
Write the handoff
Put the hours you will be away on the day sheet. Write what she needs during that time, the emergency calls in order, the number of the person to call if she falls or becomes confused, and what time you expect to be back. A one-page handoff makes the appointment a plan instead of a gamble.
Where to look for help
If you cannot find anyone to cover the hours, the Local Help for Husband Caregivers page lists places to ask. Start with the visit you have been putting off. Everything else on this list can wait until you know where you stand.