Dressing Her Yourself or Hiring Help? Time One Real Morning Before You Decide

Dressing sounds small until you put it on the clock. Getting her into a top, pants, socks, and shoes can take the better part of half an hour when she tires, resists, or cannot tell you which arm goes where. Before you decide whether to do it yourself or hire it out, write the job down the way it actually happens.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Write the Morning as It Really Goes

On the day sheet, list each piece of clothing in the order you put it on her, with the time it starts and the time it ends. Note what she does on her own, what she needs a prompt for, and what you have to do with your hands. Do this on three mornings, not one. A good morning and a bad morning look different, and the hiring decision depends on the bad ones.

Check the Clothes Before Anyone Comes

Many dressing problems are clothing problems. Look at what goes on her each morning and ask whether it could open at the front, fasten with something larger, or pull on without lifting her arms overhead. Pick two or three outfits that work and keep the rest out of the morning rotation. Changing the clothes can shorten the task more than most hired help would.

What You Are Really Deciding

There are three questions. Can you finish the full dressing alone without straining your back or leaving her standing unsupported? Can you do it inside the window you have, before the next line on the sheet? And if you cannot, is the gap in hands, in time, or in the hard parts only you can handle? A hired helper can add hands and time. A helper cannot take over the way she responds to you, so note on the sheet which parts stay with you.

Ask Any Helper These Before the First Morning

Ask exactly what the visit includes, and whether shoes and socks are part of it. Ask whether the agency's scope covers helping her stand or whether that is outside the job. Ask who sends a replacement if the helper cannot come, and how fast. Ask whether the same person will come on the same days. Ask what the helper does if she refuses to cooperate. Ask for the scope sheet in writing before you sign, and ask to see proof of insurance. Confirm that the person is a non-medical caregiver, and that the paperwork says so.

Test One Morning Before You Commit

Run a trial. Time one morning with you doing it and one with the helper doing it, using the same day sheet. Watch where the minutes go: fighting a sleeve, hunting for socks, waiting for her to stand. Compare the time you saved with what the visit costs you, and compare the strain you avoided with the time you still spend. If the hired morning still needs you in the room for the hardest part, write that on the sheet as your job. That is a plan, not a failure.

If you are looking for in-home non-medical help in St. Louis, see Local Help for Husband Caregivers for places to start asking.