A family member who helps with care is a real arrangement, with real hours, a real pay question, and a real way out. Put it on paper before anyone is tired, so the hours, the money, the backup, and the exit are clear before the first hard week.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Write the hours and the days

Write down the days, the start and stop times, and whether the time includes overnight hours. Name the hours that are not included, such as any shift that overlaps with the family member's own job. Ask the relative to write their own version of the schedule too. If the two versions do not match, settle it now.

Name the backup before the first missed day

Write who covers when the family member is sick, traveling, or needs a day off. Name a second person and the number to call. Decide what happens if no backup is available and who makes that call. A plan with no backup depends on one person staying well.

Spell out the tasks and the lines

List the tasks the family member will do, such as meals, rides, company, errands, and sitting with her. Then list what is not part of the job. Medicine stays with the family, her doctor, and her pharmacist, and the agreement should say so in plain words. Also state who helps with transfers, who decides when to call for help, and who handles an emergency.

Set the pay and how it is paid

Write the amount, how often it is paid, and how each payment is recorded. Ask a tax preparer how payments to a relative are reported in your situation. The agreement is not a substitute for that answer, so keep the question on your list until someone qualified answers it.

Ask how payment could affect benefits

Before the first payment, ask your wife's care team, a benefits counselor, or the office that handles her benefits how paying a family member could affect any income or benefit either of you receives. Get the answer in writing when you can. This is a question for those people to answer, not a legal opinion from this page.

Write the exit before you need it

Agree on how much notice either side must give to end the arrangement. Write what happens to any pay still owed, what the family member gets back, and how the first week after an exit will be covered. Sign and keep a copy where the day sheet lives. Review the agreement each time the hours or the tasks change.

Before a Family Member Gets Paid for Care, Put the Hours, the Pay, and the Exit on Paper.