The Neighbor Who Says Yes Still Needs a Handoff Check

A neighbor, a cousin, or a friend who says yes to two hours is doing you a real favor. The question is not whether they mean it. The question is whether they can take over the hour without you standing in the doorway the whole time.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

What they need to know before you leave

Write down the three things that cannot wait: how she gets from bed to chair, what she does if she tries to stand alone, and what sign means she needs you right away. Ask the helper to walk you through the transfer while you watch. If they cannot describe it back to you, they are not ready to do it alone.

Show them where the phone is and which numbers come first. Put your cell on the list, along with the office of the doctor who sees her most. Ask whether they will hear her if she calls out from where they will sit.

What a helper may and may not handle

A non-medical helper can remind her when a dose is due and can pick up a prescription as an errand. That is where it stops. Setting out tablets, filling the pill box, giving a dose, or deciding whether she has taken one stays with you, her doctor and the pharmacist. Tell the helper this plainly before they start so nobody has to guess in the middle of the hour.

Check the return before the first hour

Agree on the time you come back and what happens if you run late. Ask the helper to leave a short note: what she ate, whether she used the bathroom, whether she was upset, and anything she said that worried them. Read the note before you ask how the hour went. A written note tells you more than a summary does.

If you do not yet have a list of people who can cover an hour, start one. The Local Help for Husband Caregivers page is a place to begin looking for people and programs near you.