Her Hair, Her Shave, Her Clothes Shopping: Which Personal Jobs You Keep and Which a Hired Hand Takes

Haircuts, shaving, and the clothes she wears are small jobs on paper. In a day they can take an hour, and they carry more weight than the time they cost. They are often the last thing she still does in her own way, so the question of who does them is not only about your hours.

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Four questions to ask about each job

Go through the personal jobs one at a time and answer four questions for each. Does she want you to do it, or does she want someone else? Does the job need the same person each time, so she knows who to expect? Can a stranger do it in her home, with her products, at her pace? And what does it cost you in time, strength, and attention, including the hour afterward when you are still tired from it?

Haircuts

A visiting stylist can come to the house. Ask the stylist to bring a cape, a chair she can sit in safely, and a way to keep hair off the floor. Give the stylist a written note of her usual cut, the products she likes, and anything she does not want touched. Ask whether the same person will come each time. If she gets anxious with new faces, plan the first visit with you in the room.

Shaving

Shaving looks simple until a sharp blade is near her skin and her hands or your hands are unsteady. Decide whether you want to keep the job, use an electric razor, or hand it to a hired person. If you hand it off, ask the person to show you the blade and razor they plan to use before the first visit, and ask what they do if she moves suddenly.

Clothes shopping

Shopping for clothes can be an errand or an outing. Some people prefer to bring a sample of what she already wears and match sizes at home. Others prefer to take her out. Ask whether she still enjoys going out, whether she can manage the store, and whether the hired person can drive her and help her try things on in a fitting room. Keep a list of the brands and cuts that have worked, so the next purchase does not start from zero.

Deciding which to keep

Keep the job when it is the moment you spend together, or when she trusts only you to do it. Hand the job off when it costs you more rest than it gives back, or when someone else can do it better in her own routine. Most families end up with a mix. Write the mix on the day sheet so it does not drift, and review it once a month.

If you are not sure how to measure the time each job takes, the How We Write This Desk page explains how the guides are built and what they assume, which can help you adapt the questions to your own house.