Sometimes the next step for your wife is a residence outside the house, whether a supported apartment, an assisted living building, or a memory care unit. The paperwork is long, and the parts that matter most are often the parts a tour does not show. Bring a copy of the agreement home, read it at the table with a pen, and ask the same questions of every place you consider.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

The move-out and notice terms

Find the clause that says how either side can end the agreement and how much notice is required. Ask what happens if she needs to leave for a hospital stay and comes back later. Ask whether the unit is held, and for how long, or whether it is given to someone else the day she goes. Ask for the answer in writing, not only in person.

The care-level rule

This is the question most families skip. Ask the building to show you, in writing, what happens when your wife needs more help than the plan covers. Find out who decides that she needs a higher level, what the process is, whether you are told before the decision, and whether the monthly charge changes at that point. Ask whether the building can keep her if her needs increase, or whether she would have to move again. A clear answer is a good sign. A vague one means you should ask again before you sign.

What is included and what is extra

Make two lists. The first is everything in the base agreement. The second is everything that is billed separately, such as meals beyond the standard plan, transportation, personal laundry, or help with dressing. Compare the two lists across buildings using the same wording so you are not comparing a full package to a partial one.

Who the building calls first

Ask who the staff contacts first when something happens at night, and whether your name is on that list. Ask how the building reaches you if you do not answer, and whether they have your current number. If there is a legal document naming who can speak for her, ask whether the building has a copy on file. Check this with a person in the office, and note their name.

Visits, meals, and getting to your own appointments

Ask whether you can stay for a meal, whether you can visit at any hour, and how long a visit is allowed to run. Ask how transport works for doctor visits and whether it is included or billed. If you have your own appointments to keep, ask what the building does on the days you are away. Your schedule is part of the fit, not an extra.

Compare the answers, not the brochures

Once you have the same five answers from each place, lay them side by side and circle the places where a rule is unclear. Those are the questions to take back before you decide. For help finding local options and the people who can walk through these papers with you, see Local Help for Husband Caregivers.

Before You Sign a Residence Agreement, Ask What Happens When Her Care Grows