After the hospital
The Sleep You Are Losing Is the Problem Nobody Assigned
How to tell the nights have stopped being yours, and what to change before a missed night turns into a missed step.
Nobody sets an alarm for the night they stopped sleeping. It happens in pieces: one wake-up for a turn, one for a cough, one for the feeling you should check. After a few weeks the broken night is simply how things are. That is the problem to name.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
How to tell it has become the problem
Check three signs over a week. First, you wake before she does and cannot get back under. Second, you cannot say how many times you got up. Third, you nod off in the car, at the sink, or in the chair while she is awake. If two of the three fit, your sleep is no longer a side issue. It is one of the jobs on the day sheet, and it has no owner.
Who takes the night in pieces
Look at the night turns, the bathroom trips, and the check-ins, and write down who does each one. Where the answer is only you, mark the line. Some of those lines can move to a second person for part of the night, some can move to a bed or device that makes the trip shorter, and some will stay yours. Decide which is which before you are too tired to decide.
What to change first
Pick one change you can make in the next seven days and test it for seven nights. One longer stretch of sleep is worth more than a short nap in three pieces. Tell the person who helps you what the change is, so they can make it happen without being asked. If the change does not work after a week, that is information for your next talk with your own doctor, not a sign you failed.