Every appointment is three jobs in one trip: the drive, the lift from the door into the car and out again, and the person in the exam room who hears what the doctor says. When you decide between doing it yourself and hiring it out, decide each job on its own. Many husbands at this stage do all three alone, then find out on the way home that nobody heard the last sentence.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Split the trip before you price it

Write three lines on an index card: who drives, who gets her in and out of the car and the building, and who sits in the room. Mark each line yours or hired. A hired driver who will not lift her does not solve the lift. A hired companion who sits in the room does not drive. It is common to buy the whole trip and then discover the one job nobody was paid to do.

Check what the ride service will actually do

Ask the service three things and get the answers in writing: whether the driver comes to the door or waits at the curb, whether the driver helps her from the door to the vehicle and from the vehicle into the building, and whether the vehicle takes her wheelchair, her walker, or both. If the answer is curb-to-curb, the lift from the house to the car is still yours. Ask whether a companion may ride along and whether that adds a charge. Write down the name of the person you spoke to, so the next caller does not start from zero.

What the companion can and cannot carry

A hired companion can keep the appointment card and the pill list in one folder, remind you what the list says, and pick up a prescription at the pharmacy as an errand. The companion does not hand out, give, sort, or manage her medicine. That stays with you, her doctor, and the pharmacist. Before each trip, read the list aloud so you both know what is on it and what changed since the last visit. Anything unclear goes to the office or the pharmacist, not to the companion.

Your own checkup goes on the same sheet

If you have not been to your own doctor in a year, book that visit now and decide who keeps her company during it. Do not leave it for a slow week that may never come. One option is a hired companion who stays with her in the waiting room while you go in. Another is a relative or neighbor who sits with her at home. Either way, write the name, the phone number, and the time you expect to be back on the sheet she can see. Ask the office how long a visit like yours usually runs so you can set the time honestly.

The handoff page

Whoever rides with her, hired or family, gets one page. Put her full name at the top, then the two things she needs help with on the way out, the one thing she cannot do alone, your phone number and the office number, the pharmacy name, and where her insurance card and photo ID are kept. Add one line on what calms her when she gets restless in a waiting room. Keep it to one side of one sheet. If the companion cannot read it at the door, it is too long.

Compare the two ways before you choose

Put doing it yourself and hiring it out side by side for the next three visits. Count the hours you lose to driving, waiting, and the lift. Work out what the hired hours would cost at the rate the company quotes, and ask how the company counts waiting time. Then ask which job you are the only one able to do safely. If a hired driver cannot take that job, the appointment still needs your hands, whatever the ride company says.

If you are looking for help with rides or companion visits near you, start with Local Help for Husband Caregivers. For the rest of the desk in order, see Start Here: A Reading Order.

The Appointment Ride Has Three Jobs: Split the Driving, the Lift, and the Sitting In