Daily Care
The Unopened Mail Is the First Sign: How to Tell the House Has Outrun One Pair of Hands
The first warning that one person is carrying too much shows up in the house before it shows up in you, so read the house on a set schedule.
The first warning that one person is carrying more than the job allows often shows up in the house before it shows up in you. Mail stacks up, dinner gets later, the car runs low, and the list on the refrigerator stops getting shorter. Read the house on a fixed schedule, because by the time it looks bad you are usually already short on sleep and time.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
The signs to check
Walk through the house at 6 p.m. and look at five things: unopened mail or bills, laundry that has not left the basket, dishes washed twice or not at all, errands that have sat on the list since the last visit, and the fuel or groceries you keep meaning to get. If three of the five are behind, the load has passed the point where one person can carry all of it.
The test that tells you the most
Write down the last five things you did for yourself and the last five things that slipped because of the day. Do not judge the list. Look for a pattern: the same task keeps dropping, or the same person keeps being the one who picks it up. That is the handoff you need to make.
What to hand off first
Pick one standing job, not a favor. A weekly grocery run, a regular mail check or a set drive to the pharmacy for a pickup can go to one named person with a day and a phone number. If the job is a pharmacy pickup, the helper may do that errand only. Sorting, dispensing and handing out medicine stay with you, her doctor and the pharmacist. Write the job on the day sheet so it does not depend on memory.
Where to look for help
If no one in the family can take a standing job, the options near you are listed on Local Help for Husband Caregivers. If you are new to this desk, the pieces in order are at Start Here: A Reading Order. A job handed off on the first try is worth more than a long plan that never gets started.