If I go down, who takes over: what happens if I get sick and I'm the caregiver

What happens if I get sick and I'm the caregiver? If the answer lives only in your head, the answer is nobody. You are 75, or you will be. She is in her own house. You still pay the bills. You still drive. There is no second shift. This page is the lockout procedure you would write at the plant: numbered, dry, complete. Write it while you can still write it.

Family Caregiver Alliance, citing Schulz and Beach 1999, reports that a caregiving spouse between ages 66 and 96 who is experiencing mental or emotional strain has a risk of dying that is 63 percent higher than that of people the same age who are not caregivers. The National Institute on Aging says caregivers are less likely than others to get preventive health services and tend to have a higher risk of physical and mental health issues, sleep problems, chronic conditions such as high blood pressure, and even premature death. Those are population facts. They are not a diagnosis of you. They are why line 6 on the sheet exists.

The shutdown sheet

One page. Pencil is fine. Tape it to the fridge in a plastic sleeve. Put a photo of it on your phone and on the phone of the person on line 4. Do not type her health details into a website form. The clinic already printed the list. Use that.

1. Spare key. One copy with the neighbor on line 4. One copy in a labeled envelope in the folder on the fridge. Write where the deadbolt sticks. Write the alarm code only on paper, not in a text thread.
2. Folder on the fridge. Discharge sheet if there is one. Clinic printout of medications. Names of the therapists. Insurance card copies. This site's day sheet with the 6 p.m. and 2 a.m. boxes filled. A person standing in your kitchen at 7 a.m. has to find this in ten minutes.
3. Medication list as the clinic printed it. Do not rewrite it. Do not have any form collect it. Point to the labeled box she already has. A reminder that it is time for the tablets in that box is prompting. Deciding which tablets, or the dose, is the doctor's job. Whoever sits tonight does what you do: they point at the box.
4. Neighbor name. First and last. Phone. Whether they have the spare key. Whether they can walk in at 2 a.m. If the nearest help is an adult child who lives an hour or more away, that child is not line 4 unless they can be in the driveway tonight. Put that child on the family-meeting list. Put a neighbor on this line.
5. Doctor number. The office line, not the hospital switchboard. After-hours number if the clinic printed one. Pharmacy name and number. Write "ask the care team" on any line that looks like a medical decision.
6. Who sits tonight if you go to the ER. A name, a phone, and a backup name. If both names are blank, that is the call you make this week, not the week you are on a gurney. Overnight sitting is presence, not nursing. A person in the house for the hallway, the bathroom trip, and the chair. They do not treat. They do not lift her off the floor. They call 911 if she is hurt or cannot get up.

What happens if I get sick and I'm the caregiver?

You go to urgent care, or you do not get out of bed, or the ambulance takes you. She is still in the house. The six lines above are the handoff. If line 6 is blank, the neighbor on line 4 is the first call, and Aging Ahead is the second. Aging Ahead has provided supportive services in St. Louis, St. Charles, Franklin and Jefferson counties since 1973 for adults 60 and older. Tell them you are her only caregiver and you are the one who is down. The city of St. Louis has its own aging office. Both doors are listed on the respite article.

If you cannot continue at all, and there is no family who can walk in, Missouri's Adult Abuse and Neglect Hotline is a directory, not an accusation. It is 1-800-392-0210, seven days, 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. You are calling because you are the one who cannot continue, and she still needs a person in the house. 911 is the number if it is an emergency after those hours.

Can a 75-year-old husband get help caring for his wife?

Yes. There is no age cutoff that says you have to do every hour yourself. A 75-year-old husband can hire companion and personal care in his own house. Missouri names a kind of help that does not need a physician's order: private duty, paid privately, for aide, respite, or companion care. The Medicare article covers who pays. This page covers who already knows the house when you cannot be in it.

The useful version is not a company you have never called. It is a company that already has her file: the timetable, the labeled box on the counter, how she takes tea, what happens at 4 p.m. Book a standing block now, even a few hours a week, so the file exists. On the morning you cannot get up, they are not starting from a blank sheet.

Who sits overnight so I can sleep?

If you have not slept in a week, overnight sitting is the job, not a luxury. NIA's public list of caregiver-stress signs includes trouble sleeping or not getting enough sleep. That is a list, not a diagnosis from this page. Family Caregiver Alliance estimates that 40 to 70 percent of caregivers have clinically significant symptoms of depression, and that 30 to 40 percent of dementia caregivers suffer from depression and emotional stress. Those figures are not a reading of your mood. They are why a night of presence belongs on the sheet before the night you cannot stay awake in the hallway.

Write the shift in clock time: 10 p.m. to 7 a.m., awake in the house. Handoff at both ends. The night person gets the fridge folder and the labeled box. You get the spare room or you leave. Presence is the product. Nursing is not.

The family meeting, if there are adult children

Family Caregiver Alliance says a family meeting should include everyone who is or will be part of the caregiving team. That can be a son in Ballwin, a daughter in Chicago, a neighbor, and the company that already has her file. Put line 6 on the agenda. "I would help if you asked" is not a name on the sheet. A name on the sheet is a person who has read the six lines and asked one question.

If you are gone, and the adult children are the ones left with Dad, Since Mom Died is written for that house. This page stays with you while you are still the one on duty.